21 Kasım 2008 Cuma

a brief history of past days (or months!), Gecmis zamanin kisa bir ozeti

Madrid'den herkese merhaba,

Nereden baslasam nasil anlatsam bilmiyorum ama uzun zamandir yazi yazmamamin elbette ki makul bir sebebi var : tembelim ben... Ama bugun Mireia'dan iyi bir azar yedim ve ev odevi olarak blog yazma gorevi verildi bana, ne de olsa 2 gundur evde yatip duruyorum hem de Madrid'de !!!

Oncelikle kaldigim yerden devam edecek olursam; kitabi biraktigim vapurda her gun gozlerim kitabimi aradi, ya da okuyan birini, ya da buraya gonderilecek bir mesaji bekledim ama gordugunuz gibi hic biri gerceklesmedi. Sanmayin ki vazgectim, eve doner donmez yeni bir kitap yola cikacak, Mireia'nin saclarinin diken diken oldugunu gorebiliyorum (bu arada bunu ingilizceye nasil cevirecegim de bir merak konusu oldu simdiden)...

Kinaliadadaki gizli kumsalimiz, secret beach
Belki biliyorsunuz ama ben bilmeyenler icin tekrar yazayim, mayis ayinda basladigim hudut ve sahiller saglik genel mudurlugundeki gorevime genel mudurun degismesi nedeniyle veda ettim ve eski calisma yerim olan Baltalimani Kemik Hastanesine geri dondum. Resmi yazisma ile gecen 1 ay boyunca da rapor aldim (sakin kimseye soylemeyin). Yani eylul ayi boyunca tam 1 ay evdeydim !!! Bu sure zarfinda buyuk bir gercegi farkettim; "calismak insan dogasina aykiri". Cok ciddiyim, insanin sevmedigi bir iste calismak zorunda olmasi buyuk bir haksizlik. Gerci ozellikle bu kriz gunlerinde hayatta kalmayi saglayacak bir ise sahip olmak guzel bir sey ama neden zevk aldigimiz seyi yaparak gecimimizi saglayamiyoruz? Gerci bunu basaran pek cok insan var, peki onlardan biri olmak mumkun degil mi? Onlarin bizden (benden) farki nedir? Sanirim buna verilecek tek bir cevap var: CESARET... Sevdigi isi yapan, hobisini gecim kaynagina donusturen insanlar hayat standartlarinda olusacak degisimi, karsilacaklari zorluklari, belki almak zorunda kalacaklari borclari-kredileri, kirayi gec odemeyi goze aliyorlar. Ve gordugum kadariyla guvendikleri tek sey de kendi istek ve kararliliklari. Farkettiyseniz su ana kadar hic yetenekten bahsetmedim cunku benim inancima gore herkes kendini ifade edebilmek icin gelistirebilecegi bir veya bir kac yetenekle geliyor bu dunyaya, bundan sonrasi ise calismak ve ayni seyi secmeyi surdurmek...

Anlayacaginiz eylul ayi bunlari dusunmek ve hic bir sey yapmayarak gecti :) Sadece bulundugum andan, yerden keyif almakla gecen bir rehabilitasyon devresi oldu. Ve sonra tekrar hastanede ise basladim ama isyeri degisikligi sirasinda calisma sekli degistiginden tekrar gece calisma imkanini kaybettim. Gunde 5 saatim yolda geciyor, aksam 8'de eve variyorum ve kendime ayirabilecegim sadece 2-3 saatim var cunku sabah da ise gitmek uzere erken kalkmak zorundayim. Sonuc olarak laboratuvarin sorumlu doktoru ile durumu konustum ve evde sadece 2-3 saat gecirebildigimi soyledigimde aldigim cevap:
- Bir suru insan bu sekilde yasiyor, bu senin ozel problemin... oldu. Benim cevabimsa:
- Haklisiniz bu benim ozel problemim ve haklisiniz bir suru insan boyle yasiyor ama aramizda bir fark var. Ben bu sekilde yasamak istemiyorum ! Is benim icin sadece bir gecim kaynagi, benim hayatim degil ve olmasini da istemiyorum.
Sonuc olarak artik 1 saat erken cikiyorum isten ve evde fazladan 2 saat gecirebiliyorum !!! Konusmak ve isteklerini dogru bir sekilde ortaya koymak insanin hayatini degistirebiliyor tabi karsinda seni anlayabilecek kapasitede ve iyi niyetli biri olmasi kaydiyla :)


Ekim ayi icinde 1 hafta ara ile 2 dugune katildim. Birincisi Amerikada yasayan arkadasim, canim, birtanem Nurten'in dugun toreniydi. Nurten yillardir Amerikada yasiyor ve her yaz ailesini ziyarete geldiginde 3-4 gun birlikte tatil yapiyoruz ve bir gelenek olarak bu tatiller Bodrumda geciyor-du ;) Bu yaz yine Bodrum'a gittik ama ben yalniz degildim ve Nurten bayagi bir sIkIldi ucuncu kisi olmaktan. Bir gun tekne gezisine gitmek istedi ve benim
pek keyfim yoktu gitmek istemedim, cok kizdi bana hatta kustu. Sonucta ertesi gunu katildigimiz tekne turunda mustakbel kocasi ile tanisti !!! Gordugunuz gibi her seyin bir nedeni var ve tesaduf diye bir sey yok (bence de guzel bir bahane oldu ne dersiniz ;)

Nurten & me


Ikinci dugun ise sevgili kuzen Tolganinkiydi. Dugun Akcayda oldugu icin ailemi ve canim bitanecik yegenim Mirayi gorme firsatim oldu. Sadece 1 gun kaldim ama iyi geldi.

Her iki cifte de omur boyu mutluluklar diliyorum.

Ve gelelim 6 Kasim gunune, bugunun iki bakimdan onemi var benim icin; birincisi Sam'in dogumgunu olmasi, ikincisi ise benim ikinci hayatimin baslama gunu olmasi !!! Sam'in dogumgunu pastasini yedikten bir kac dakika sonra nefes almakta zorluk cekmeye basladim. Gecer diye bekledikce kotulesmeye basladi, oksijen acligina girdim ve ambulans cagirmak zorunda kaldik. Adada ambulans olmadigindan polis arabasi bizi iskeleye goturdu, iskeleden deniz ambulansi ile Maltepe sahiline gectik oradan da am bulansla Kartal Lutfi Kirdar hastanesine goturuldum. Serum takilip oksijen verildikten sonra kendime gelebildim ve butun geceyi hastanede gecirmek zorunda kaldik. Sanirim Sam'in gecirdigi en ilginc dogum gunuydu bu :) Asiri balgam birikmesinden tikanma yasamisim, dolayisiyla oksijen acligi ve sonucunda gelisen panik atakla durumum iyice kotulesmis. Sam'in soyledigi kadariyla gozlerime baktiginda orada olmadigimi gormus !!! Bir ara ben de her seyin bittigini dusunecek kadar sinira yaklastigimin farkindayim, hayatim bir film seridi gibi gozumun onunden gecmedi ama muthis bir hafiflik ve huzur duygusuyla kendime disaridan baktigimi gordum. Olmek boyle bir seyse korkmaya ne gerek var diye dusundugumu biliyorum ve sonra yasamayi ne kadar sevdigimi farkettim. Ilginc bir deneyimdi...

Ve simdi Madriddeyim, 1 hafta suren Andalucia gezisi sonrasi Madridde once kabiz sonra ishal olunca 2 gundur evde yatmak zorunda kaldim :( Yarin daha iyi olursam sokaklarda yuruyup fotograf cekecegim ve aksam eve donus yoluna baslayacagim...

Fotograflar ve gezinin ayrintilari, tanistigim yeni arkadaslar gelecek sayida...

Madridden sevgilerimle...

....

Hello from Madrid to everybody

I don't know where or how i should start to tell my story but of course there is a reason to not to write my blog for a long time: I am lazy... But my dear friend Mireia told me off and gave me a homework : " write your blog girl". And I am here as you see... Actually I don't have a better thing to do because of I am laying down in the bed for 2 days, in Madrid !!!

first of all i want to continue where i left at my previous post; I looked for my book in every ferry at everyday and waited for a message about the new reader but no news as you see. Don't worry I'll do it again with a new book when I returned to home. I can imagine Mireia's face now :)

Maybe you know or not but I changed my work place again. I was working at a job which they were controlling the transportation at the borders about health. This work finished for me because of the change of the general director !! don't be surprised it happens in Turkey a lot :)
Between two jobs I had a 30 days off because of paper work so I spend a month at home in september.

During this time I realized something very big: " Working is not a natural situation for humanbeings". I am serious, this is unfair that people have to go to work which they don't like to do. In fact, having a job in these crisis days is very good but why we cannot do a job which we love to do? There are some people who do that, isn't it possible for us too? What are their differences? I have only one answer: COURAGE... They risk their life standarts, they accept the potential debts, bank credits or not to be able to pay their bills or rent on time.. but they do what they love to do, working is a joy for them. They know what they want and they are stable about it. I am not talking about abilities because of in my opinion everybody comes to earth with one or more abilities which help to express themselves, the rest is working on them with insistence and keep going to chose samething !

So September passed with these toughts with doing nothing. I just enjoyed "now and here", it was like a rehabilitation perod for me. and now I returned my ex job in the hospital but i lost my night shift working opportunity, so I spend 5 hours on the way everyday ! I have only 2-3 hours for my personal life at home. I decided to talk to the chief of laboratory and we had that conversation:
- I spend 5 hours on the way and have only 2-3 hours for myself, i need a solution about that.
- There are lots of people who live like that and this is not our problem, it's your personel life and personal problem.
- I know this is my problem and I know there are a lot of people who live like that BUT, there is a difference between me and them: I don't want to live like that. Work is not my life and I don't want to spend my life at work like others. I need more time for my personal life.

In conclusion I leave work 1 hour earlier now so I have 2 more hours for my life ! I saw again that to talk about what you want and express yourself clearly can change your life. Of course there must be a person in front of you who can understand you :) I am lucky in this case...

me at Nurten's wedding party

I attended two wedding parties in october. One of them is a very best friend of mine Nurten's wedding. She is my friend since 20 years ! She lives in America for years and comes to Turkey in the summer to visit her family every year. We go to Bodrum (or did) for 3-4 days every year but this year I wasn't alone so she did not like to be the third :) She wanted to go to a boat trip one day but I wasn't in my best mood that day and I refused her. She was so angry with me and so sad. We went to boat trip next day and she met with her future husband ! I am happy to say that there is no coincidence and everything has a reason (this is a very good excuse, isn't it?)

The second one was my cousin Tolga's wedding party. It was in my parents'town so I was very happy to meet with my family specially my 10 months niece Miray. She is so cute with her 2 teeth :)
Cousin Tolga and his lovely wife

I wish to these 2 couples a long happy life together...

And finally the 6th of november; it's an important day for me because of two reasons. First of all it's the birthday of Sam and second, it's the beginning of my second life! I had difficulty of breathing when we finished to eat the birthday cake. I tought that it will pass soon and waited for a while but it get worse and I couldn't breath properly, I was in a hunger of oxygen and this caused a panic attack. I called for ambulance but there wasn't an ambulance in the island so the police car came and took me to the pier for sea ambulance. We went to the mainland quickly and the other ambulance was waiting for me there. I recovered after they gave me isolyte and oxygen in the ER but we had to spend all night in the hospital because there wasn't a way to come back to home in the night. I think it was the most interesting birthday Sam ever had... The problem was I had a lack of breathing because of the accumulation of mucus and hunger of oxygen and finally panic attack.

Sam said to me later that he saw that I wasn't there when he looked at my eyes and I felt same too. At some point I tought that I am dying but it wasn't bad, my life did not pass on my mind:) I was looking to myself from out and saw myself very light and peaceful and I had a feeling like; "If the death is something like that there is nothing to be afraid of" and I realized that how much I love the life. It was an interesting experience...

And now I am writing this post in Madrid after 1 week travel around Andalucia. I had intestine problems and had to stay at home for 2 days! But I'll go out to walk in the streets of Madrid and take photos tomorrow. Beacuse I am heading to home tomorrow evening.

Photos, writings and stories about new friends in my next post...

Keep on following me my friends...

Loves from Madrid...

3 yorum:

Murad dedi ki...

En amiyane tabirle "Oha falan oldum yanee"

Bazı yerlerde gözlerim epey büyüdüyse de sonunun iyi gelişmesine sevindim.

Seviyom lan seni :D

Ha bi de listeye baktım bu yazdıklarımı bi sen anlayacan sanırsam :D

Ve sende olduğu üzere bunu ingilizceye çevirme derdim de yok.. 555+

philip dedi ki...

Lovely... ;-)

This makes me a bit a traveller too

Kiss

sam dedi ki...

wonderful!

glad she made you write...

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